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Surviving an encounter with the Malaysian Traffic Police

The other day, D and I had to take an impromptu trip into Johor Bahru. A simple drive across the causeway to Pekan Nanas, to pick up a piece of equipment we needed for work.

Pekan Nanas is a little town along the route towards Pontian. The drive was uneventful and smooth, right up to the point when we entered a single lane, two-way street, and right in front of us was a huge delivery truck. The kind that you would put crates of chickens in. It was trundling along the one lane ever so slowly. I had no idea how far this road would go, and I wasn't about to be stuck behind this truck, going at a snails pace of 60kmph. So the second it was safe, I took the chance and swerved the car into the empty oncoming lane, hit the accelerator and zoomed ahead of the truck.

The next thing I know, I see a white car with flashing blue lights in my rear mirror. It sped up, and tailgated me, flashing its headlights.

I felt my heart sinking as I pulled over. I rolled down the window and stared into the face of a roguish looking police officer. He leaned down and tonelessly asked, "IC and driver's license".

I reached for my bag and gave him my identification cards.

He looked at them casually, then turned to D, "Singaporean?"

D nodded.

Then he pulled out his notepad, looked around and then looked back at me and asked, "Do you know what you did?"

I had heard too many horror stories, and I wasn't about to admit anything until I knew what I was up against. So with a voice as meek as possible, I asked "Tell me, please?"

He smirked, then pointed at the white line that divided the road, "Cannot!"

I heaved a sigh of resignation.

Then he asked, "You speak Malay?"

"No."

He considered this for a moment, then he looked at D and then back at me, "OK, you come out. We talk." He hooked his finger and then pointed to the rear of the car.

At this point, I already knew what was going to happen. He didn't want a witness. Hence, the demand for me to get out of the car and settle the "fine" with him, away from D's view.

As I walked to the rear of my car, I was very aware that his partner had decided this as a perfect time to take a leisurely walk. He was about 6 meters away, looking intently at the grass and shrubbery -- anywhere but at us.

"You know what is summon?" the officer asked. Except he pronounced it as "sarh-marn".

I pursed my lips together and hung my head in resignation, and shrugged.

He persisted, "You know, I give you summon, you cannot go back Singapore. You must go police station and pay money."

He paused for effect.

I looked at him and waited.

"500 ringgit."

I heard him, but I just kept quiet. My face, expressionless.

"So, you want me to write the summon?"

I meekly replied, "You are the police officer, Sir. You know the laws."

"No, no, you must ask for help."

I played the dumb woman driver act: "huh?"

He stared at me, "You know what to do when you get summon?"

"You just told me, if I get summon, I must go Police station and pay 500 ringgit."

He gave me this look that I could only translate as: you're such a stupid woman.

"If you don't want to summon, you must ask for help. Ask me. Ask me to help. You can get help, but you must ask."

I knew what he was aiming at, but I persisted with the dumb act, "Of course I want help if you are offering -- "

"NO, I'm not offering. I am saying, you must ask for help!"

"... err, ok, I would like help but only if it won't get you or me in trouble. I don't know your laws. Only you know your laws. So you teach me what to do without breaking laws, then I will do it."

At this point, his partner had come to stand with us. They looked at each other pointedly, then back at me.

"Where you go?"

"Pekan Nanas"

"For what?"

"I am going to pick up some equipment for my church."

"This place factory?"

"No. My friend's house."

"Ok, I bring you to Pekan Nanas now, then later we three settle this."

"No, just give me the summon. When I see my friend, I will ask him to bring me to the police station and pay the 500 ringgit. My friend is a Malaysian, he will know what to do."

There was a pause.

Then he took my cards from his partner's hand and held them out to me. With emphasis, he said, "Take Care."

I took my cards and I wasn't too sure, so I stood there and asked, "Err, the summon?"

"TAKE CARE!" and he waved his hand for me to leave.

"Thank you. God bless you."

I got back into my car and drove off, with relief. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I also felt a little smug at not playing into their tricks.

To clarify, I wasn't trying to outsmart them. I just knew that I would rather do this the legal way, than get into worse trouble by being charged for bribing a police officer.

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